Seven Ways to Help a Friend or Loved One Through a Challenging Time

Mental health is essential to overall health and well-being and mental illnesses can be treated. One in five people, including adults and children, experiences a mental illness in any given year. Those problems can contribute to the onset of more serious long-term conditions such as major depression, bipolar disorder, or schizophrenia.

Approximately one-half of chronic mental illness begins by the age of 14. Unfortunately, long delays—sometimes decades—often occur between the time symptoms first appear and when people get help. These delays lead to problems at home, at work, in school, and in forming relationships.

If someone in your life is going through a challenging time that affects their mental health, Mental Health America, and the mental health professionals at Dakota Family Services, give the following tips for being helpful.

1. Practice active listening. Active listening is diff­erent than just hearing what a person has to say. A good active listener puts everything aside and gives their complete attention to the person who is talking; asks open-ended questions to get more details about the topic being discussed (ex. “And how did that make you feel?”); and takes moments throughout the conversation to summarize what they’ve been told to make sure they understand.

  2. Ask what you can do. It can be tempting to assume what would be helpful to someone who is struggling, but it’s always better to ask them what they need from you. If you ask and get a response like, “nothing, I’m fine,” off­er a few suggestions for things you would be willing to do (without being pushy). For instance, you could off­er to sit with them and watch a movie, cook them a meal, or pick up a few things for them at the store.

  3. Don’t compare. If a friend or loved one is going through a tough situation and they come to you for support, you might feel tempted to tell them about something that happened to you and how you were able to get through it. It’s okay to share about similar experiences, but be careful not to compare, because it can make someone feel like their pain isn’t valid. For instance, if they are telling you about a breakup, don’t mention how you had a much harder divorce. Focus on what you did to cope with feelings of loss or loneliness.

4. Don’t judge. To be genuinely supportive of someone, you need to put your personal opinions and biases aside. They may be struggling because of a mistake they made, or you may think they are overreacting, but you will never know what it is truly like to be that person at this moment, and criticism is not helpful to their recovery.

5. Offer to join them. When someone is going through a time of sadness or uncertainty, their emotions can take over and leave them feeling paralyzed and unable to take care of life’s obligations. Off­ering to go with someone to help them take care of responsibilities like walking the dog, going to the grocery store, or attending doctor appointments can give them a sense of accomplishment and lift their spirits.

  6. Keep your word. If you have off­ered your support to someone, keep your word. When a person is struggling, the last thing they need is to feel abandoned by someone else. If you absolutely can’t honor your promise, make a sincere apology, and find another time, you can do what you said you would.

  7. Know when more serious help is needed. Sometimes the support you can offer won’t be enough. If you or someone you love is struggling with mental health issues, contact Dakota Family Services. Our experienced and compassionate providers are trained to help.

 Dakota Family Services is an outpatient behavioral health clinic founded by Dakota Boys and Girls Ranch with locations in Minot, Bismarck, and Fargo. Our compassionate, practiced experts provide comprehensive psychological and psychiatric services to individuals of all ages, including assessment and evaluation, therapy, medication management, and psychological testing.

For more information, go to or call 1-800-201-6495.

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